Although his scenes are excruciatingly hilarious - a solid 93 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale - it's hard to buy the premise that Rocky is still young enough to fight when his best friend looks as if he should be holding a bedpan and followed by a nurse.ģ. Rocky's buddy Paulie is still around and, unfortunately, he's still played by Burt Young, who's now somewhere between 95 and 135 years old in real life.
#ROCKY BALBOA SPEECH IN RUSSIA MOVIE#
If they ever decide to make Driven 2, you won't want to watch that movie in hi-def.) It's a little hard to get it up for the climactic fight scene when you're worried the hero's face could be split in half with a left jab.Ģ. (Strangely enough, the same exact mask phenomenon occurred a few years back with Burt Reynolds. He looks as if he's wearing a Sly Stallone Halloween mask from the Cop Land era.
Either Sly has had too much work done or he's aging in a peculiar way that makes it seem as if he's wearing a bad toupee and constantly dipping his face into a vat of Botox. So why can't I recommend it? Four reasons:ġ. Back in 2001, Bill ranked all the "Rocky" movies.
Sam Alipour recently interviewed Sylvester Stallone about "Rocky Balboa". The last 30 minutes of the new Rocky movie plays out a little like that. Maybe we'd seen the moves and matches a million times, but there was an endearing familiarity to having The Hulkster back in our lives. There's a precedent here: Hulk Hogan's successful WWE comeback four years ago, when the old (and seemingly tired) Hulkamania routine resonated with longtime fans who missed having him around. Look, he stole that from "Rocky IV"! Oh, I remember that from "Rocky II"! It's like he's performing karao-Rocky. Another thing I liked: watching Sly rip off bits and pieces from previous installments for both the training sequences and fight scenes. But I was happy to see two long-lost fringe characters from the original "Rocky" reappear with juicier roles (I won't spoil the surprise), an inspired decision given that nearly everyone else from that first movie is dead. Satisfying news to everyone who remains disappointed that the Queen of the Wet Blankets came out of her coma in "Rocky II." (I happily include myself in this group.) And his grown-up son, who works in the financial district in Philly, is embarrassed by his old man. He's a widower after Adrian's untimely death, Basically, he's Patrick Ewing at every 2006-07 Knicks home game. No longer brain-damaged or broke, Rocky owns his own restaurant in Philly, where he walks from table to table telling stories and posing for hold-our-fists-up-and-smile pictures, your regular washed-up has-been. Plus, you really can't do worse than "Rocky V." It's like following Isiah as the next Knicks GM: No matter how things turn out, you're going to look OK by comparison.Įven Sly acts as if "Rocky V" never happened, refusing to use VI in the new title and proceeding in the story arc as if we left off in Russia in 1985. Sly was banking on two generations of males weaned on the Rocky franchise, guys who get a distinct rush every time they see Rocky running the stairs on TNT as they flick by, needing one more fix. 6 even if I told them, "You are going to be so depressed afterward that you might intentionally veer into oncoming traffic on the way home." They're willing to take the chance. I have four friends who loved the first four movies and would see No. "Rocky Balboa" will do better than people think. Rocky doesn't end the Cold War in "Rocky Balboa," but he does fight Mason Dixon.Īnd they will go. It's one of the most embarrassing sports movies ever made, yet every Rocky fan should be required to go, for closure. 
I felt terrible for Sly after all, this movie is a desperate, transparent attempt to stay relevant yet I was furious that he so readily humiliated himself. It's the first-Įver sequel that blatantly, unapologetically steals moments from previous movies in the series, yet there's something endearing about the way it keeps happening. The premise is ludicrous in every respect, yet the fight scenes are better than ever. It's a 102-minute train wreck, yet a pack of Iditarod sled dogs couldn't have pulled me out of my seat. I can't rememberĪnother cinematic experience quite like it. 1 issue of ESPN The Magazine.īeing the world's single biggest fan of the Rocky series, as well as the guy who repeatedly tried (and failed) to convince America that A) Sly Stallone ended the Cold War by knocking out Ivan Drago, winning over a Russian crowd and making the "If I can change, and you can change " speech, and B) "Rocky V" never, ever, ever happened, you can only imagine how I felt after a screening of the inexplicably explicable "Rocky Balboa" last week. Editor's note: This article appears in the Jan.
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